


Half Baked Revenge

by Sahxyel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Not HS2 Compliant, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24499969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sahxyel/pseuds/Sahxyel
Summary: Dad Crocker is dead. Jane Crocker decides to take the gloves off. If she had to lose her parent she'd make all of Trollkind lose theirs. She'll Make Them Pay.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	1. This Means War

Moonlight poured in from the tall and wide windows of Jane Crocker’s office. The ground outside was powdered with snow and on the horizon the retreating figures of towering dark clouds lazily moved away from the Crocker estate. This small part of Earth sat quiet for Jane and she preferred it that way. Her tears had long dried and her despair had exchanged for an icy-cold rage that gripped her heart. A glass sat empty on her desk, the whisky that previously occupied it no longer surrounded by slowly melting ice. A drink was needed, Jane thought, to calm herself down and think this over and plan what to do next.  
  
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her father was dead from a botched assassination attempt made by _those grey-skinned cockroaches_. As she suspected, they drew first blood and by doing so took away her father in the process. If there was any hesitation to her course, any reservations that perhaps what she was doing was wrong to some degree, it exploded as bombastically as her father had. There hadn’t been anything left.  
  
Trolls were violent dangerous creatures that, if left unchecked, would destroy this world and the people who lived on it. They with their precious Mother Grub would easily outstrip the other three races of Earth C with whom they lived in balance with for thousands of years, tipping the scales of power to themselves. This was the problem with direct democracy, Jane thought as she bitterly glanced aside to an open newspaper. The minute the numbers were off there would be no recourse for those of the minority ruled by the tyranny of a historically cruel majority.  
  
The Mother Grub.   
  
Jane sneered and scoffed under her breath. What kind of ‘mother’ was a giant pulsating monster who only existed to shit out hundreds of eggs every day? Those grubs that hatched from those eggs, would they even know such a mother? Of course not; the Mother Grub was nothing more than a glorified queen ant bearing more and more for the purposes of a phenomenal colony. It didn’t understand love, it wasn’t a real parent like her father.  
  
She folded her hands into fists. Her cold rage started to warm again and it was only a moment of a calming breath that she managed to keep herself from losing it again. Once she was sure she wouldn’t cry, Jane directed her attention to a sleek computer sitting on her desk. The Crockercorp symbol spun lazily on a darkened screen, she hadn’t touched her computer for a while and the screensaver had kicked in sometime when her now-empty glass was only half-empty.  
  
Jane nudged the mouse. The screen flared to life with numerous reports from various security and intelligence departments. A bribed employee was discovered and arrested, the perpetrator was not discovered but was unmistakably a troll with easily hidden horns, and already the troll insurrection movement was claiming responsibility for what happened. On the sidebar was a chat client left open, its programming so ancient it even preceded the existence of this cursed society.  
  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24  
  
TG: hey janey u ok  
TG: i kno this is a dumb question with what happened  
TG: but you arent answering your phone and i want to make sure youre ok  
TG: especially when people are literally trying to kill you  
TG: let me kno when you see this we can talk ok  
  
Jane felt something boil past the ice and reached for her keyboard. Her fingers flew across the keys with passionate fervor.  
  
GG: Okay?  
GG: Am I okay?  
GG: I’ve never been better Roxy!  
GG: It’s absolutely peaches and FUCKING CREAM where I am sitting currently!  
GG: My Dad is dead Roxy and it’s all because of this nonsense troll ‘resistance’!  
GG: The troll resistance that, need I remind you, has your ‘mother’ Rose Lalonde implicitly assisting!  
GG: I am distraught, I am heartbroken, I lost my FUCKING DAD!  
GG: I AM NOT OKAY!  
  
It doesn’t take very long for Roxy to respond.  
  
TG: ok ok im sorry i kno  
TG: im really sorry about what happened to your dad  
TG: nobody wanted that to happen  
GG: No, but they still wanted someone to die.  
GG: It just so happened to be the wrong person at the wrong time.  
GG: Did you miss that Roxy?  
GG: Did you miss the fact that they were perfectly willing to KILL SOMEONE?  
TG: yeah thats  
TG: way more than some breakout or protests  
GG: They ramped this up Roxy, not me.  
GG: And I’m just simply besides myself of what to do.  
GG: I want them to HURT Roxy.  
TG: ok i kno you just lost your dad janey but you need to take a breath  
TG: calm down  
GG: I am far more lucid and coherent than I’ve been the last few hours Roxy over this devastating bupkiss.  
GG: You are the only one left who knows how utterly terrible this is!  
GG: You came from an Earth where a troll utterly ruined it!  
GG: How that horrific empress destroyed the planet, killed all of humanity save for you and  
  
Jane paused mid-writing and stared at her blinking cursor. Her eyes started to sting. Even after all this time, and after everything that happened, she couldn’t believe how much she missed Dirk. He wasn’t out in space like Roxy, wasn’t a complete idiot like Jake, was available unlike Calliope, and his solidly blunt advice was sorely missed even after all this time.  
  
There had been a time Jane wondered if he killed himself because of Jake. She wondered if by extension that made her responsible for his death. It made her feel even more guilty to think about. Even having a statue erected of him didn’t feel like enough of a monument to how solid his foundation was among the rest of them. After they came to Earth C Jane could find a sympathetic ear from him. She also discovered someone she could get advice from when she was floundering with mounting responsibilities as a head of a corporation and a political figure in this brand new world.  
  
GG: You and Dirk.  
GG: You gave them a chance Roxy, for no reason at that!  
GG: All I wanted was responsible breeding practices for the Mother Grub and what did I get in return?  
GG: Deflecting accusations of xenophobia thrown in my face for having the gall to point out the problem staring us in the face!  
GG: The Troll Kingdom claiming I’m the next Imperious Condescension!  
GG: There is an utterly insane conspiracy theory online where people think my mind stayed compromised after the Crockertop nonsense!  
TG: oh i saw that  
TG: harry anderson asked me if it was true lmao  
TG: i told him no but you kno the crazy shit they come up with  
GG: I am aware of it quite intimately yes.  
TG: yeah some of that is really bad  
TG: like damn nobody has chill anymore  
TG: i just think everyones been overreactin and now here we are and someone died  
TG: thats really just terrible and double because its your dad  
TG: i just dont really want to pick sides you know  
  
There was an overpowering urge to turn off the computer. Jane ground her teeth together, her cooled rage flaring to furious life. Roxy’s words stoked fires that could make LOHAC look cold.  
  
TG: i really want to help you and help the pain go away  
TG: but im gonna be real i dont know how  
  
_Snap._ Jane typed out a furious response, longer than any previous messages, with the rage fueling her scathing response. It was only when she reached to submit she paused and stared at her keyboard. It would have been easy to post this, she thought, but if she did she likely would lose Roxy forever as a confidant, friend, and most importantly a _sset_.  
  
Jane left the conversation stalled and mulled it over. There had to be a way to end this once and for all, to avenge her father and ensure the situation end in her favor. She considers the Mother Grub and wonders how hard it would be to kill one. It was whisked away by the troll resistance, she knew as much, which meant that only a troll could get anywhere close to it. Gamzee was out of the question and even then the resistance knew everything about him, he’d never have a chance to get close or even agree to the mutual destruction of his own kind.  
  
A thought occurred to her and with a frown she stood and marched across her office to where a shelf of books sat. The Crockercorp CEO ran a finger over the titles of numerous baking and prank books before coming to a stop on a thick book stuffed in the corner. It was rarely opened, given as a gift from one of her lower employees and quietly stuffed away some years ago. _The Trials of The Gods_ was densely packed and would probably kill a cat if it were dropped on one from significant height.   
  
She carried it back to her desk and carefully sat it down. Jane flipped to the section about the trolls and their long meteor trip, inscribed from the Original Book thousands of years ago.  
  
When she found what she’s looking for, Jane feverishly read the entry. She knew she hadn’t misremembered this detail. With a serene smile, she returned her attention to her computer and woke it from its screensaver once more. After deleting the entirety of her previous furious response, Jane opted for a simpler approach.  
  
GG: Roxy.  
GG: I think you have a point.  
TG: i always got points but which one  
GG: After all this, after everything that happened, it just resulted in someone I love dying.  
GG: I’m going to end it.  
GG: I will need your help to do it, though.  
TG: if its tell you where rosie is i cant jane i already told you before  
GG: No, no, not that.  
GG: You’re right that this will just keep escalating!  
GG: I want something like a peace offering to them.  
GG: Before this all goes bell-ended I think it might actually be better to be the bigger woman and do something good.  
TG: i think that’s a great idea janey  
TG: everything thats happened has been getting waaaay too hot  
TG: and not sexy hot  
TG: i know you said you really want someone to hurt like you do  
TG: i can understand that kind of feeling too  
TG: but this will be better for everyone and then we all can take some CHILLAX PILLS  
TG: maybe we can get whoever blew up your dad and put them in the slammer  
TG: one everyone realizes how crrrraaaaaazy this all got like damn  
TG: u takin that first step is such a huge thing too  
TG: especially with what happened  
TG: so gimme the sitch  
TG: whats the offerin  
GG: Their old friends, of course!  
GG: A fair few of the trolls died on the Meteor thanks to terrible circumstances and have been gone for years now Roxy.  
GG: With my power I can easily give life back to them!  
GG: But I will need your assistance on that, which is why I’m asking you for your help.  
GG: Can you steal their remains so I may work my special magic? :B  
TG: omg  
TG: thats such a great idea janey theyd be so happy to see them again!!!!  
TG: im actually surprised we never though of that before lol  
TG: *thought  
TG: but yeah we can totes do that  
TG: just gotta stretch my sneaky rogue fingers and do that voidy thing  
TG: it might take me a lil while im a lil rusty  
GG: That is completely fine!  
GG: As long as we have all the original versions on hand for me to do, as many would call, the Lifey thing!  
GG: Come by the compound and deliver them when you have them.  
TG: will do ezpz  
GG: I do ask however for some semblance of secrecy for our little plan here though Roxy!  
GG: I will make this public in time but only when tensions have cooled down enough to offer a white flag.  
GG: I can trust you to keep this between us, right?  
TG: u know it  
TG: this is rly excitin i cant wait to see what happens  
  
Jane smiled and looked back to the book on her desk. The page, splayed out in the moonlight, depicted a troll in silhouette exploding the precious matriorb into atoms upon the floor.  
  
GG: I can’t wait either!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo!  
  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]


	2. A Voiding Conflict

It was a chilly and gloomy afternoon when Roxy Egbert steered her car up a lonely and winding road through the Human Kingdom countryside. Perfectly manicured trees planted symmetrically to each other framed the way and Roxy could see that despite snow clinging to the ground and the barren branches the asphalt was free of any ice or snow. It figured that Jane would keep the driveway to her palatial mansion free of anything resembling a hazard. Her stance of security at all measure was something of a platform for her. Even with her failed Presidential aspirations she still used all her resources to create her idealized environments tailored specifically for the safety of those she felt responsible for.  
  
It was just a damn shame it was to the detriment of others for that. Jane was always a bit stubborn like that, Roxy thought. She’d happily cut off her nose to spite her face if it meant bullheadedly plunging into something out of her element. Nothing exemplified that more than the situation the Crockercorp CEO faced than the current political troubles and the unfortunate death of her beloved father.  
  
Roxy frowned and glanced temporarily away from the road in front of her. To her left a hill rolled far down to a wide open field powdered in snow. It was pristine, like something out of a picture book for corny children books about sledding or Gristmas she’d read to Harry Anderson when he was still a young boy. Roxy sighed and turned her gaze forward again.   
  
At least Jane was willing to end the bad blood going on. She had to remind herself that. With all the bad that happened she was going to put her best foot forward and deescalate the situation. It was quite a step down to take and Roxy knew for Jane making that kind of decision could not come lightly. Maybe the reality of the situation finally hit her and she realized she pushed too far or too hard, that there were real stakes and real lives on the line.  
  
Roxy just wished it didn’t take Jane’s Dad dying for her to come to that realization. Even being the Maid of Life Jane couldn’t bring back someone who left no remains to resurrect. With Dad Crocker vaporized even her own Void powers applied to the furthest degree she could push, Roxy had no means to ‘steal’ his remains for Jane to resurrect anyway. She did try, she tried as hard as she could. Sadly, the Void did not yield anything. Not even ash could materialize in her hands.  
  
It was wonderful that Jane’s suggestion did however yield results. Roxy worried covertly that her powers might have stopped working after the failure that was stealing Dad Crocker’s remains. When she tried to focus on the grim task of stealing the remains of the fallen trolls she found the task much easier in comparison and pieces came easily to her. At least now with Jane’s gift of life they could have a new chance, and maybe Karkat and his revolutionary forces could take the offered white flag and tone down their own rancorous saber-rattling. It was a hopeful thought, at least.  
  
There was just a small problem. Of the remains, Roxy could only obtain the whole corpses of three of the trolls. Would Jane be able to resurrect a corpse without a head? She supposed she’d be able to find out once she spoke to her friend and found out for herself. If not they at least had two of them to start. They could figure something out if Jane’s powers could not make a corpse whole while also bestowing life to it once again.  
  
Her white sedan finally approaches a very tall and very unfriendly looking iron fence. A guard station manned by a figure in a bright red security uniform bearing the Crockercorp logo sat a short distance away. When Roxy pulled up a flare of light flashed in front of her car and for a moment she wondered what happened, but the security guard at the booth after a casual glance to a computer monitor in his station merely waved her forward as the gate ahead slowly slid open. Mystified, Roxy drove onward and into the Crocker Compound.  
  
Inside the walls of the compound she found a sprawling lawn with Jane’s multi-level mansion perched atop the hill. She had a magnificent view of the valleys and woods that surrounded her home with plenty of comforts she could ever want inside such a large and beautiful home. It made Roxy’s own beachside home feel uncomfortably small in comparison. It was funny given how large her home hidden among the Carapacians was compared to Jane’s modest suburban household she grew up in.  
  
Arriving was simple. A valet was quick to take her car to park in the garage among Jake’s collection of roadsters and motorcycles he never drove. A butler fussed and constantly asked if she needed any help with carrying anything before Roxy’s constant no’s broke through to him. She followed the well-dressed man inside a large foyer towards ‘the parlor’ where Jane was waiting for her. Fine art plastered the walls, all notably having the same subject and style. Classically rendered handsome men sporting bushy mustaches and mysterious or thoughtful expressions fixated into a distant gaze were always Jane’s interest and that hadn’t faded at all in time. Roxy wondered how many of these Jane commissioned and how many more had to be replaced by someone defacing them. She already had spied two with sloppy purple paint messily applied to the visages of a couple rugged detectives to make them look as if they had happy faces smeared on.   
  
The parlor itself was mercifully bereft of any art thanks to what Roxy assumed was very expensive patterned wooden reliefs on the walls. A massive fireplace roared merrily with hot flames and sitting in front of it in a rich red chair was Jane Crocker herself. She had a very large book on her lap she was leafing through, which she looks up from the moment the butler and herself entered the room. Jane’s eyes for a moment looked weary but lit up into an unmistakable glint of happiness in her bright blues. In a snap the woman closed the book and stood, her face splitting into a bright smile.  
  
Roxy felt something inside her relax that she didn’t know sat so tense beforehand.  
  
JANE: Roxy!  
ROXY: janey!  
  
Roxy met Jane halfway and gave her a tight hug which was returned just as warmly. When they pulled back Roxy managed a weak smile and looked over her friend.  
  
ROXY: i kno ur lookin ok but just checkin that u r ok first  
ROXY: ur ok rite?  
  
Jane smiled though it was significantly weaker than before. She sighed heavily and turned around to retreat back to her seat, motioning for Roxy to follow her. There was another seat to take and after being outside in the cold sitting in front of the fire looked welcoming and comfortable.  
  
JANE: I’m keeping my chin up for now.  
JANE: It’s been very difficult Roxy.  
JANE: I announced I would be taking a quiet sabbatical from Crockercorp to digest the loss after tightening security for all Crockercorp businesses.  
JANE: The absolute nightmare that was the whole political hullabaloo will undoubtedly cause waves for a few more weeks and more politicians could be targeted.  
JANE: Until things finally quiet down I shall focus on mending these strained relations and plan the memorial services for my father.  
  
Roxy couldn’t remember the last time she saw Jane look so tired. Was it when they were in the game? It seemed so long ago. For a moment she appeared quietly forlorn and Roxy wondered if she should give her another very big hug. The expression was gone in a blink, however, and Roxy instead found herself treated to a hopeful smile from the Maid.  
  
JANE: Thank you, Roxy.  
JANE: If it weren’t for you I think I would be in such a terrible spot right now!  
ROXY: janey fr u dont have to thank me  
ROXY: were besties  
ROXY: id steal the moon for u if u asked  
  
In a split second something hardened in Jane’s eyes, the edges of her mouth simultaneously stuck in a frozen smile. Roxy wondered if she said something wrong but in another second the expression was gone and Jane instead looked away and down to the book she was reading.  
  
JANE: You have no idea how much I appreciate that.  
  
Roxy frowned for a moment. Jane sounded genuine enough but that expression she had for that one moment was undeniably strange. Maybe she was still trying to handle her grief and it hit her at an inopportune time? She didn’t know if she should ask and after a long moment slowly decided to let it pass. Instead, Roxy cleared her throat and looked down at the book she was focused on.  
  
_The Trials of The Gods_ was emblazoned on the cover in fine gold filigree over an ornately patterned background featuring the aspect symbols of every surviving player of SGRUB and SBURB. _Transcribed by the_ _Punctilious Chronicler_ graced the bottom of the cover which didn’t at all surprise Roxy. Plenty of historical books were produced by the Carapacians. With their incredibly long lifespans and knack for civic interests it made them the perfect historians to carry stories of their exploits through the five thousand years of history they skipped after completing the game.  
  
ROXY: is that a good read  
JANE: It is actually.  
JANE: I decided to study up on these friends of the trolls before doing my part but...  
JANE: It is sadly missing plenty of information, which I suppose is to be expected.  
JANE: Five thousand years is plenty of time for certain details to slip to the wayside.  
ROXY: no kiddin  
ROXY: some days i can barely remember what happened two months ago  
JANE: Oh but some of these errors in the text are simply ridiculous.  
JANE: Evidently the author was confused and thought John’s father and mine to be the same person?  
JANE: There’s a passage where he admits he had no idea how he became my father, hoo hoo!  
ROXY: lmao wut  
JANE: In so many words he covers himself by saying there’s plenty of information missing and that it’s up to scholars to determine what happened.  
ROXY: what a cop out smh  
JANE: Calliope is also mostly missing from the text, sadly.  
ROXY: aww poor callie  
ROXY: have u talked to her recently btw  
ROXY: it feels like its been a rly long time since i did  
JANE: Not recently, things have just been so hectic with life and whatnot.  
ROXY: same  
ROXY: we should all meet up and have lunch or smth  
ROXY: its been so long itd be nice for a grl day out yknow  
JANE: That does sound very nice.  
JANE: Perhaps when we have all this political nonsense and other insanity put behind ourselves we can finally enjoy our time on this planet as we should.  
ROXY: i cant wait thatll b rly nice  
  
When Jane smiled again so did Roxy. The tension seemed to be gone again and like magic everything was cooling off. Roxy preferred it this way, if Jane could keep it cool then maybe things would work out for the better. She just needed some time out of her own head, she thought, and maybe a friend nearby to just help her with the little step she needed.  
  
ROXY: so fun trip with callie planned for after  
ROXY: right now we got these trolls  
ROXY: i wish i remembered more about them but i cant  
ROXY: it was a long time ago and fefetasprite talked about so much  
ROXY: it all sloshed together  
JANE: Fefetasprite?  
ROXY: oh yea that was the other timeline  
ROXY: the one john zip zapped us from  
ROXY: my sprite was a mix of the cat grl troll and the fish grl  
ROXY: she was the best  
ROXY: but then she exploded  
ROXY: poor sweet precious fefetasprite  
JANE: Oh that sounds very sad and unfortunate.  
JANE: Losing a loved one to an unfortunate explosion incident.  
ROXY: it was  
  
Again Roxy swore she saw Jane’s eyes harden. This time she knew she said something wrong and resisted the urge to gulp nervously.  
  
ROXY: anyway  
ROXY: i dont remember all the deets  
ROXY: but things got rly crazy on that meteor  
ROXY: some of the trolls flipped out and killed each other i think  
ROXY: i dont remember which one did what tho  
JANE: Thankfully that is what this book is for Roxy.  
JANE: I wouldn’t be so utterly feckless in my pursuit to ease the tension with the trolls than to resurrect the wrong one!  
JANE: It would fly in the face of what I intend!  
JANE: I might as well stuff the dunce cap on my head and place myself firmly in the corner if I were that thoughtless!  
ROXY: thats good  
ROXY: studying up not the dunce cap thing  
JANE: The components that made up your old sprite I believe show that they are ideal candidates for our little surprise though!  
JANE: They both sound pleasant by the sound of it.  
JANE: And Jake would be happier than a sunflower in the daylight if Tavros were made alive again as well.  
ROXY: thats rly sweet too  
ROXY: he really missed him  
JANE: I know.  
JANE: He practically begged me to name our son after him.  
JANE: I wasn’t going to but he was embarrassing the hell out of me in that hospital and I could not deal with that nonsense right after all I went through!  
ROXY: he can be a baby sometimes lmao  
JANE: Ugh.  
ROXY: where is he anyway  
  
Jane’s face shadowed and Roxy knew she again said something wrong. Jake had been conspicuously missing and so had Tavros now that she thought about it. With such a large mansion it wasn’t hard to assume that maybe he had been somewhere else but Jane’s reaction was not a comforting one.   
  
JANE: They left.  
ROXY: why  
JANE: I needed some time alone to grieve.  
JANE: You know Jake, he isn’t very emotionally supportive especially with something like this.  
JANE: I sent Gamzee away as well, I just needed time to myself.  
ROXY: oh  
ROXY: im sorry janey i didnt kno  
JANE: It’s fine Roxy, I kept my personal life very quiet after what happened.  
ROXY: ok  
  
It didn’t seem ok to Roxy. She couldn’t point it out without the conversation souring and already Jane had been teetering back and forth between being okay and looking as if she was going to snap. But she supposed she understood a little of Jane’s position. Though she never lost her father, given she never had a real one like Jane, she did watch Rose die in front of her after the terrible confrontation with Her Imperious Condescension. It was a crushing blow and a memory she preferred not to visit if she could help it.  
  
Roxy felt the silence turn into an oppressive weight over them both. Jane returned to looking over the book, her glasses lit from the fire roaring in the hearth nearby. She was in such a tentative place, Roxy thought, and Jane was always way more sensitive than she let on. They needed to take all this tension down, take a few steps backward and away from the cliff that was the point of no return.  
  
She clapped her hands an abruptly stood. No silence! Silence was not allowed!  
  
ROXY: alright im gonna do it  
ROXY: 1  
ROXY: 2  
ROXY: annnnnnnd  
  
Roxy clapped her hands a second time and produced a series of bottles that she caught midair. The bottles clinked and jingled when they hit each other but Roxy was careful to not break them just yet. She’d make a mess of Jane’s parlor if she did.  
  
ROXY: trolls in bottles  
  
She winked and smiled brightly. Jane sat up a little straighter with a gasp, her eyes sweeping over the series of pink bottles.   
  
JANE: All of them?  
ROXY: if there r 12 of them yea  
ROXY: theres just something a lil weird abt them  
JANE: Weird?  
ROXY: some of them r missin their heads  
ROXY: will that b a problem  
JANE: I  
JANE: I don’t know?  
JANE: I never tried resurrecting someone without all the parts!  
ROXY: oh no  
JANE: How many are missing the heads?  
JANE: Which ones?  
JANE: Show me, please!  
ROXY: r u sure janey  
ROXY: these r bodies they r rly messy and smell  
JANE: I can have this room cleaned spic and span I’m not worried about that!  
JANE: This could make or break everything!  
  
She looked legitimately panicked. Roxy took a few steps back with a frown and looked down at the bottles in her hands. She hadn’t realized just how much Jane was putting into this whole plan of hers. It would be terrible if it all went to shit even before their plan got off the ground. She swallowed thickly and smashed the bottles together.  
  
Bodies dropped onto a fine red rug with a disturbingly loud thudding sound. Of them only a few heads joined the drop with their associated cadavers, which thankfully were easily identified by the color blood seeping from the necks and heads. Truthfully Roxy didn’t at all like handling the bodies. She hadn’t realized it when she agreed to helping Jane with her little task but when she was faced with her first recovered body she found herself holding the lifeless body of a teenager younger than her own son.  
  
Her stomach churned uncomfortably from how many there were.  
  
Jane stood and quickly loomed over the corpses, picking up and setting the bodies out of a pile and into an organized line. Her expression was hard and desperate but after arranging all of them properly she seemed to finally relax again with a sigh.  
  
JANE: At least some of them have the heads still.  
JANE: I think even if I cannot resurrect all of them then these three will still be acceptable!  
JANE: And one of them is the fish girl you mentioned too, hoo hoo!  
ROXY: oh yea im rly happy abt that  
ROXY: but i dont know the other 2  
ROXY: r they ok  
ROXY: i kno both of them were jakes old sprite  
ROXY: not tavros but from my timeline  
ROXY: but he wasnt very talkative  
ROXY: he was just a grump and flipped everyone the bird  
ROXY: i dont blame him tho since bein smashed up with someone else wasnt 4 everyone  
ROXY: he didnt explode like yours did but he wasnt happy either  
JANE: What?  
ROXY: yea that happened   
ROXY: im kind of glad you didnt have that happen again i think it rly bummed u out  
ROXY: but i think im goin off topic  
ROXY: these trolls   
ROXY: they dont have bad stories rite  
JANE: Oh no!  
JANE: Their story is very good actually!  
JANE: The one with the yellow blood according to my book was the one that made it possible for the meteor to travel to our session!  
JANE: Unfortunately he burnt his fuse out doing so and died for his troubles.  
JANE: Anything else about him is unknown but such a figure is a noble one isn’t he?  
ROXY: yea that sounds legit  
ROXY: and the fish guy whats his deal  
JANE: Oh.  
JANE: You see how gruesomely he was split across the stomach here?  
JANE: A blood crazed monster cut him in half!  
ROXY: gaaaaassssp  
ROXY: thats so brutal  
  
Jane sighed and nodded in agreement.   
  
JANE: Very very sad.  
JANE: And even sadder that he barely appears in this book!  
JANE: In fact a few of these don’t!  
JANE: I wouldn’t be able to tell you the first thing about the fish girl troll, not even her name!  
JANE: All the book mentioned was that the fish boy was head over heels for her!  
ROXY: aww thats cute  
ROXY: and rly sad looking at them both now  
ROXY: theyre just all  
ROXY: kids  
  
Roxy folded her arms more in an attempt to hug herself. Looking down at the bodies was giving her a bad feeling again. This time Jane approached her, her hands clasped together and a sad smile pulling at her lips.  
  
JANE: Just like we were.  
JANE: I promise Roxy that I’ll set this all right as rain.  
JANE: And not just these poor young trolls!  
JANE: This whole political circus, all of the issues between myself and the trolls?  
JANE: I’m going to bury it for good.  
  
Jane’s smile strengthened into a warmer one. Roxy felt her own heart swell and resisted the urge to get too emotional, though her eyes felt a little misty at it. Jane unfolded her hands to give a hug but paused and looked to her fingers, which were stained with different colors from the bloodied bodies that decorated her previously pristine floor. Roxy stole away her hesitation by jolting forward and wrapping her friend in a tight hug, the first they shared in what felt like years. She felt Jane stiffen initially but the woman relaxed after a moment and gave her a proper Crocker hug back.  
  
She didn’t care if she got blood on her blouse. What mattered was that Jane was finally coming around again. It wouldn’t fix everything bad that happened but it was a start, a step forward. Roxy was determined to be there with her friend for the hard climb back up from this pit she dug for herself.  
  
She spent the rest of the afternoon with Jane. The woman kept to her word and allocated the corpses to her personal Sylladex for storage, and called in some housekeepers to tidy up the bloodied rug and freshen the stinky air. The two of them retired to the kitchen and shared lunch, which comprised of something flaky and cheesy that Jane’s personal chef whipped up. Roxy had no idea what they were but the four cheeses and the spinach and chicken flavor had her gobbling up more than her fair share. Their talk afterwards did not brush into uncomfortable territory again, mostly because everything they talked about afterwards was basic and light conversation. How was Harry Anderson doing in school? What was she doing to keep busy? How was the coast? What was the name of the cute chef and did he have a wife?  
  
It was unexpectedly nice, fun even. Jane was every bit like how she remembered her and for a while Roxy could forget all the bad that even brought them together.  
  
The sky was orange when she finally left, but not before giving Jane a firmer hug and a warm goodbye. Plans to meet up with Calliope were set up for a tentative date, assuming Calliope herself would be willing to meet with them both. Roxy had no doubt she would be delighted and looked forward to it. Her car was brought around and after another goodbye, Roxy climbed in and made her way down the sloping driveway to the large gate. Her white sedan rolled down the hill and past the open gate with no issue, the guard had even tipped his hat when she passed.   
  
Roxy had a full drive back home to mentally digest the day, as well as imagine what came next. Although the sun was setting it was looking to be a brighter future after all. She smiled and settled back and into her seat with a satisfied sigh, her eye drifting to look at the compound behind her as she drove away.  
  
To her surprise the unfriendly iron gate was already shut.


	3. VViolent Awwakening

The crashing waves on the beach were a familiar sound to Eridan Ampora but not necessarily a comfort. Though there was a crisp breeze he couldn’t feel it on his face. In fact, since arriving from the dreambubbles he found sensation absent from his existence. There were theories for this among the ghosts that he could glean as to why this was happening. One was that because the black hole they found themselves in was not technically part of the dreambubbles many of their benefits within them were absent here in what many of the living called ‘Earth C’.   
  
He could not smell, taste, or feel as he used to. Life was lacking a certain kind of zest and it was only through sound and sight that he could experience this world separate from the dreaming dead he had known for so long. Many other ghosts felt similarly and found themselves listless and without direction.There was an unsubstantial nature to their existence, almost as if they were afterthoughts that didn’t know when it was time to call existential quits.   
  
  
At least he wasn’t alone in feeling that, though unlike other groups Eridan found himself alone more often than not. He never was surprised about this and by now had come to quietly accept it. It was a pain to be around even himselves in the bubbles and the mercy of solitude became bearable compared to the unpleasant company of those who had nobody else to speak with except him. A ghost who approached him Eridan quickly learned had reason to seek him out specifically. They had nobody else who would suffer their presence and craved any kind of company than none at all. Once upon a time he was the same but through a combination of time and experience he found that he was the lowest rung of someone who had low enough standards to consider lingering around.   
  
Or second lowest he liked to think. Cronus was pretty awful.   
  
A gloomy grey sky hung above him. Eridan preferred this sort of weather when he was alive and found himself gravitating towards locations that held it commonly since arriving here. He brooded on a beach with unfriendly spires of stones jutting from the surf, where dark blue water crashed into white foam against the rocks. The area was remote and straddling the boundaries of the Troll Kingdom with very few individuals who would bother wandering nearby.   
  
He hadn’t been in this world for long. It didn’t feel like it was that long ago he stood among the endless swathes of other dead trolls to face down Lord English and fight fang and claw against him. It was an absolute shitshow from what he could recall with trolls screaming and shouting, flashes of rainbow colored lights, and the cracks of reality shattering the dark of Paradox Space in colorful lines above and below them. From his position he hadn’t seen the result of that fight, only that there had been a bright flash and then a yawning hole in reality was left behind.   
  
Eridan fled from this shattered hole for someplace safer in the dreambubble but nowhere was ultimately safe from it. Shards slowly broke and slipped inside and with them took more and more ghosts. At one point, he did not see any reason to keep running. There was nothing to live for and only an inevitable hole that every moment encroached more of the bubble that he and the other ghosts called existence. All he was doing was delaying his inevitable destruction. Why fight it? What was he so afraid of? There was nothing he was living for if he was dead. Everything was fake and dreams eventually had to die.   
  
He chose to jump in of his own will. At least then he it could end on his own terms.   
  
But to his surprise, he hadn’t found double-death as he anticipated it. It was more a fucked up purgatory of sorts, one where he lost more of the comforts of existence he didn’t know he enjoyed before. The dreambubbles were better than this, Eridan thought. It wasn’t fair but by now he knew better to lament that. Nothing was fair. Not even this world that Karkat, Kanaya, and Terezi somehow managed to sneak into like barnacles stuck to the bottom of a lifeboat.   
  
With his blank eyes focused on the horizon he could spy the silhouette of one of the troll rebellion ships idly sailing through the skies in the direction of the Consort Kingdom beyond the sea. He heard there was some kind of war going on between the humans and trolls last he checked. The details he was fuzzy on but if this was a war Eridan was thoroughly unimpressed. Alternian warfare was the stuff of legends and tales of exploits of Her Imperious Condescension’s fleet upon unsuspecting worlds beyond theirs were ones he read over religiously when he was younger. So far there had been no flooding of the planet, no Rioterrorformer creating tactically sound zones through their whimsythrashes, not even a concentrated rumprush of lowbloods psychically mulching population centers to dust!   
  
He supposed he couldn’t be too surprised over it. None of the trolls who were in charge of this war were ones he’d call masters at being successful leaders. Meenah Peixes lead a failed session that needed to be scratched to actually find success and the army she helmed against Lord English wasn’t even one she amassed herself. Karkat meanwhile had the failure of his leadership over their original group of twelve hanging over him as a detriment, though to his credit Eridan could at least approve of finding his proactivity even if he was bad at actual warfare.   
  
The ship in the distance was a good example of it. Eridan had the inkling that ship was sent to buy supplies from the Consort Kingdom. Consorts were by far the least respected species on the planet and for good reason: they were short-lived stupid animals that excelled at menial jobs in agriculture and manufacturing. Business records were nonexistent with them; if someone had the boonbucks then they sold the product with no questions asked. With no paper trail to give opponents an idea of what he was doing, buying from them Eridan imagined likely seemed a good idea to Karkat to fund his war efforts.   
  
The only problem was how outrageously wasteful and shortsighted it was. If this were a proper war the obvious solution was to simply take over the Consort Kingdom and seize the manufacturing centers for the war effort. If his opponent ever discovered where his resources were coming from then they would seize it instead and the Consorts were dull enough to be coerced into serving trollkind, perhaps with some brownblood troops to encourage that along to a smooth alliance.   
  
The sea troll snorted as he watched the ship disappear from sight. It was obvious Karkat never played Tactical FLARP or even moonlighted with some GameGrub strategy simulator. He was lucky that Terezi and Vriska were there to carry his sorry ass across the finish line-   
  
The sight of the horizon, the beach, his little gloomy spot on the furthest part of the Troll Kingdom he could find, vanished in an instant.The world turned dark and for the first time since he fell into the black hole he felt something. It was a crisp and cold feeling that tingled every part of him. Then, beyond that, he felt he was laying on something hard. Then, he felt that something was shaking him.   
  
???: Wake up.   
???: I said wake up!   
  
Eridan opened his eyes. Over him he saw a dark shadow wreathed in blinding light. He gasped and quickly shut his eyes with a loud hiss between his pointed teeth.   
  
???: Oh good you’re coming to!   
???: Let me get that light, I imagine that must have nearly blinded you!   
ERIDAN: you think wwith that tiny gulpin sea sponge you call your thinkpan   
ERIDAN: ugh   
ERIDAN: wwhere am i   
  
The light turned down and with a grunt Eridan opened his eyes again. Instead of a blinding light he met with the sight of a wooden paneled ceiling. There was a chandelier he could see but it wasn’t the source of the blinding light from earlier, there was a stand with a dark bulb that was hovering over him on a steel stand instead. The stand moved out of his field of view and replacing it was a pale human wearing glasses bearing bright red frames. Candy-red lips curled into a small plastic smile.   
  
???: You are currently in the Crocker estate, nestled in the heart of the Human Kingdom of Earth C.   
???: It tickles me pink seeing you up and about, hoo hoo hoo!   
ERIDAN: youre lookin pale to me   
???: It’s a figure of speech.   
  
Eridan squinted at the human. There was something vaguely familiar about her. She had some resemblance to one of the humans he watched while on the meteor but some things were just wrong. No long hair, no perfectly round lenses, but this human was older than she was. Much older. Where had he seen her before?   
  
ERIDAN: wwell excuse my stunnin figure a speech here for a codpickin moment   
ERIDAN: but wwhy the evver-lovvin fuck am i here   
ERIDAN: and wwhore you   
???: Excuse me?!   
  
The saccharine smile vanishes and a raging tempest of fury replaced it. Eridan instinctively hunched his shoulders and attempted to sink his chin under his scarf, only to realize it wasn’t there anymore. He glanced down.   
  
His scarf was missing and his clothes no longer were the same as he often appeared to be to other ghosts and the living. His shirt was torn and stained a dark violet around the edges of the cut, revealing bare and whole grey skin underneath. He blinked in bewilderment and scrambled to feel the torn fabric and again felt the sensations of his fingers running over his skin, only this time he was paying attention to the fact he could feel anything at all.   
  
???: Stop navel gazing this instant!   
???: What did you say to me?!   
ERIDAN: say wwhat   
???: You miserable little shit, ANSWER ME!   
???: What did you just say to me?!   
  
The woman gripped his collar and hauled him up with an absolutely furious snarl.There was death glaring at him in the face and Eridan was acutely aware of the thudding of his pump-biscuit in his chest going mad in anxiety both at the concept he was facing someone that looked as if they’d kill him compounded with the thought that he was actually alive.   
  
ERIDAN: i said wwho are you   
ERIDAN: calm your fuckin rumblespheres   
???: Is that right?   
???: Hmph.   
  
The woman sneered and released him. Eridan shrunk down and rubbed the spot where his shirt dug into the back of his neck. He mentally checked himself after the inital panic wore off and practically kicked himself over how quickly he panicked, this was just a human after all. An adult human, which did make him wary, but a human nonetheless. Humans were squishy and pathetic, what did he have to fear from them in the first place?   
  
???: My name is Jane Crocker, I’m the woman who brought you back to life.   
JANE: It’s proper manners to say “thank you” rather than snidely call them a whore.   
ERIDAN: i wwas not callin you a wwhore   
JANE: You weren’t?   
ERIDAN: no   
ERIDAN: thats just my accent   
ERIDAN: wwho wwould start any greetin wwith someone by callin them somethin vvulgar right at the start   
ERIDAN: its unconscionable    
ERIDAN: youre the one wwho jumped to conclusions ovver wwhat i said   
ERIDAN: yes you arent a wwhore   
ERIDAN: youre just a bitch   
  
He couldn’t help but strike that jab back at her as he pulled his hand away from his neck with a sour frown. It fell into place why she seemed so familiar, the woman was the ‘opposition’ that living trolls in the Troll Kingdom buzzed about. Eridan could see why not many trolls liked her, the woman was quick to anger. Jane’s hand did twitch but didn’t reach for him again. She leered at him with a tight-lipped frown instead.   
  
JANE: I shouldn’t be surprised at your ungrateful and unmannerly behavior and yet here I am positively agog at it!   
JANE: Is it simply a feature of your species to be that way or am I uniquely unlucky in finding a good troll?   
ERIDAN: thats rich callin me unmannerly   
ERIDAN: i didnt ask for this an here you are actin like youre owwed somethin   
JANE: I am!   
JANE: Without me you would be a pile of body parts and undoubtedly a useless ball of ectoplasm floating about who knows where doing nothing of importance!   
JANE: I gave you life!   
ERIDAN: wwhat do you wwant an awward for that   
ERIDAN: im one of the trolls wwho are the reason your pathetic species evven exists an i got jack squat for that   
ERIDAN: nothings fair an nobody givves a damn wwhat you do for them   
ERIDAN: myself included noww if youll excuse me   
  
He turned to slide off what he was laying on, which he could see now was a metal table large enough to hold a small body or a large meal. He stood up and felt weight for the first time in ages bear on his legs, the sensation almost unfamiliar to him after so long of weightless walking and flying about wherever he pleased. Try as he might the sensation was something to get used to again and his knees shook with the unsteady steps he took to acclimate.   
  
No longer on the table he could get a proper look at himself. These were the clothes he was killed in, minus of course his scarf. His pants and shirt were crusty and smelled of dried blood and rotten flesh which he tried to not dwell on as being him not too long ago. There was no scar along his abdomen and everything felt as if it were in order.   
  
When he finished his inspection he saw that Jane watched him with folded arms and a perpetually stern frown.   
  
JANE: What are you going to do when you leave?   
ERIDAN: none a your business   
JANE: It IS my business, I’m responsible for you.   
JANE: Do you think that a troll like you will be welcome anywhere?   
JANE: You’re the infamous Prince of Hope, the troll that infamously nearly doomed the entire species to extinction by destroying the Matriorb.   
JANE: I can think of fewer actions in history considered worse than the Violet Betrayal!   
ERIDAN: the wwhat   
JANE: That is what they call what you did: the Violet Betrayal.   
JANE: I haven’t the slightest idea how much you do know about the history of our exploits to create this world but that was one of them.   
JANE: How you lost your Hope and in a rage killed the Witch of Life and Kanaya Maryam, the Sylph of Space, Mother of Trolls, and bearer of the Matriorb.   
JANE: If any troll were to know who you were, why I’d say they wouldn’t be very kind!   
JANE: Kanaya is such an adored figure and you don’t even have a name in the history books!   
ERIDAN: a course she is   
  
Eridan muttered bitterly under his breath and looked away from the woman. He hissed out a sigh between his teeth and faced the double doors that served as his exit. He hobbled towards it on his unsteady legs and heard the click of heels following him.   
  
JANE: What were you thinking when you blew up the Matriorb?   
ERIDAN: i wwasnt   
  
He kept his answers clipped as he walked. Each step started to get easier and when he reached the doors he easily pushed them open. He found himself faced with an ornately decorated hallway with the sort of elegance and craftsmanship a highblood enjoyed with fine paintings framed in ostentatious golden frames and finely carved doorways. Regrettably this also meant a number of doors going this way and that. He had no clue how to leave the place.   
  
JANE: And the Witch?   
ERIDAN: none a your business   
  
The troll picked his right and walked along, checking every door for a way out. A palatial hive wouldn’t be easy to navigate but if the only obstacle was a nagging human trailing after him asking annoying questions then it wasn’t as bad as it could be. Eridan changed his mind quickly regarding that thought after finding one room with purple sludge caked on the walls and the scent of sour milk clinging to a horrendously stained carpet and slammed the door shut with a grimace.   
  
As he continued his search Jane continued to follow and needle at him.   
  
JANE: Who was she?   
ERIDAN: wwho   
JANE: The Witch.   
JANE: She’s practically a mystery in the books.   
JANE: Nobody even knows her name, the poor thing!   
  
Eridan stopped and stared ahead of himself. He pinched his bottom lip beneath his sharp teeth but not hard enough to puncture skin. His insides squirmed unpleasantly.   
  
ERIDAN: she   
ERIDAN: wwell   
ERIDAN: if you ask around for feferi peixes youll find out   
ERIDAN: i knoww the black holes been open for a wwhile   
ERIDAN: someone has to knoww wwho fef is by noww wwith howw bubbly an friendly she is to evveryone she meets   
ERIDAN: or maybe you can go pesterin kan instead for all these answwers to these persistent questions youre riddlin me wwith   
ERIDAN: im just the troll that did the vviolet betrayal an nobody cares wwho i am only wwhat i did   
JANE: I don’t want to ask Kanaya nor the Witch’s ghost.   
JANE: I’m asking you because only you know why you did it.   
  
Eridan’s hands curled into fists and his echo of an ache pounded his torso. He continued to stare ahead of himself and felt the squirming sensation in his gut worsen. There was something off here, he could feel it. This woman was furious with him and now she was asking strange questions about him? About Fef?   
  
ERIDAN: wwhat the fuck do you wwant   
JANE: I want to know-   
ERIDAN: bee ess   
ERIDAN: youre askin some real personal questions an i already told you howw to get the answwers   
ERIDAN: you said it yourself that im the vvile vviolet betrayer wwho anyone wwith any sense wwould avvoid if they can   
ERIDAN: someone that singlehandedly destroyed the hope a trollkind an killed his friends wwithout hesitation wwouldnt be anyone that someone wwould think a to bring back to life   
ERIDAN: except for you   
  
Eridan spun around and glowered at the human. For a second she appeared taken aback and blinked rapidly at him.   
  
ERIDAN: as much as i appreciate the dedication to this bit a yours   
ERIDAN: im cuttin this nice little lead up you clearly fuckin rehearsed short   
ERIDAN: wwhat the fuck do you wwant me for   
  
Jane’s stunned reaction petered out and Eridan could see a glimpse of that cold woman he faced with from earlier. She wasn’t as wrathful but the way her ocular spheres hardened into a steely gaze that threatened to bore holes through him were fairly intimidating. He didn’t back down and returned the gaze evenly back.   
  
JANE: I want you to do it again.   
  
That was not at all what he was expecting. He blinked, bewildered by the statement, but she continued to stare at him in her businesslike way. Eridan sputtered.   
  
ERIDAN: wwait wwait wwait   
ERIDAN: excuse me but i think i heard an absolutely insane pile a wwords fall out a your food chute there   
JANE: I’m serious.   
JANE: I want you to do it again.   
JANE: Not killing the Witch but the future of natural reproduction of trollkind.   
JANE: Maybe not the same way, naturally, given that egg now is a repulsive egg-pumping creature but I can’t imagine that would be difficult for the Prince of Hope to handle.   
  
There was a long pause. Eridan’s mind had gone blank and he stared unblinkingly at the human who stared right back with an expectant gaze. After the shock wore off, he quickly shook his head.   
  
ERIDAN: no   
ERIDAN: hell no   
ERIDAN: hell fuckin no   
  
Eridan clenched his teeth and furrowed his brows. His hands clenched tightly into his palms, enough to prick into his skin. He ignored the sensation and quaked in place.   
  
ERIDAN: i cant BELIEVVE this   
ERIDAN: i already had one unconscionable act under my belt as a perpetual fuckin stain on my already sad existence an you havve the GALL to ask me to do it a-fuckin-gain   
ERIDAN: you bring me to life an wwant THAT   
ERIDAN: of ALL the things to fuckin ask   
ERIDAN: just doom your wwhole species to extinction again no problem i brought you to life you fuckin owwe me   
JANE: It’s not dooming your kind!   
JANE: Why is this always what it comes to?   
JANE: Was your species doomed before we all arrived here with that cursed little egg in hand?!   
ERIDAN: do you think i knoww the answwer to that or wwhat   
JANE: It was not!   
JANE: For five thousand years the four kingdoms lived in harmony!   
JANE: Then everything changed after we arrived with that damnable egg!   
ERIDAN: are you sure it wwas that an not that you humans naturally fuck things up   
JANE: SHUT UP!   
  
Jane loomed over him, her expression a storm of fury bearing down at him. Eridan met her furious glare with an impertinent scowl and folded his arms tight over his chest.   
  
JANE: There is a species of sapient long-lived people who already live on this planet and only reproduce by ectobiology!   
JANE: Carapacians do not breed often because they don’t need to!   
JANE: If they did they would overpopulate and no amount of magic post-scarcity for goods will resolve a lack of space on a livable planet!   
ERIDAN: then do wwhat wwe did an movve to other planets wwhats the huge problem   
JANE: Earth is OUR homeworld!   
JANE: Not yours!   
JANE: Humanity shouldn’t be forced to live crammed together with multitudes of trolls controlling all aspects of society by virtue of being the most people living on the planet!   
JANE: That’s the problem with pure democracy!   
JANE: The MOMENT its off-balance its a tyranny of the majority over the smaller minorities!   
JANE: I can see it looming on the horizon!   
JANE: Your society naturally settles into hierarchies based off of blood color because of your biological differences!   
JANE: Trolls have freakish psychic powers that could level city blocks, or control the minds of others, or crush a building with one punch, or trolls that can live for hundreds of years while humanity and consorts live short lives that rarely reach one century!   
JANE: When the numbers are uneven even the lowest troll will still be more powerful than anyone of the other three species that call this planet home!   
JANE: Not even the carapacians will be able to do anything about it, trollkind will rule everything and there will be nothing else that any of us can do about it!   
JANE: Well not on my watch, bucko!   
JANE: Your kind already genocided humanity once and I’m not letting it happen again!!   
  
The woman’s angrily impassioned speech hardly fazed the violet prince. He sniffed dismissively and fixed his own glasses settled on his face.   
  
ERIDAN: that all sounds real interestin but i dont care wwhether your species get subjuggulated or wwhatevver   
ERIDAN: sounds to me like you humans are goin to be put in your place givven trollkind are your gods anywway   
ERIDAN: an the other twwo came from a game meant to servve us anywway theyre used to livvin like that   
ERIDAN: they wwere made for it   
ERIDAN: kind a like you   
ERIDAN: learn to deal wwith bein wwhere you belong an stop fightin against the inevvitable   
  
He smirked at her and for a moment he sword her ocular orbs flashed red in fury.   
  
JANE: I refuse to stand by and let that happen you miserable little leech!   
JANE: The damage can still be mitigated by bumping reproduction of the other three and maintaining balance but that monster your kind calls a Mother Grub has to go!   
ERIDAN: im not doin it   
ERIDAN: find someone else to do that dirty wwork   
ERIDAN: or enjoy bein the neww lowwest class in the troll wworld order wwhichevver comes first   
  
Eridan turned around and continued to walk along the hall, smirking as he went.   
  
JANE: You won’t do it, then?   
JANE: Not even for the Witch?   
  
His walk hitched and his smirk wiped off his face.   
  
JANE: She meant something to you, didn’t she?   
JANE: But she sided with the yellow troll instead of you.   
  
He stopped in the hall and stared ahead of himself again. The path laid out bare before him, unobstructed but undoubtedly designated as a maze to find his way out of. Humans with hideous facial hair looked down at him from the walls and he tried not to stare back from their judgmental gazes. Eridan slowly shook his head and felt something boil inside of himself.   
  
ERIDAN: it wwasnt like that   
JANE: That’s not what the history books said.   
ERIDAN: it WWASNT like that   
JANE: “The Prince of Hope was so overcome with rage that he lost the only thing he cared about to the dashing Mage that he, angry with his impotency and losing the Hope that she would be his, furiously struck them down!”   
ERIDAN: SHUT UP   
ERIDAN: you wwerent there you didnt SEE wwhat happened   
ERIDAN: kar an kan are hardly fuckin nonbiased parties wwith their takes on wwhat happened   
ERIDAN: kar wwasnt evven payin ATTENTION to wwhat wwas going ON an i doubt kan wwas either   
ERIDAN: i didnt kill fef because she wwasnt goin to be my matesprit   
ERIDAN: i evven offered her to come wwith me so wwe could try somethin to livve because from wwhere i wwas sittin wwe all wwere sittin around twwiddlin our gripnubs wwaitin to die   
ERIDAN: you wwant to hear the reason wwhy i did it right   
ERIDAN: i killed fef because she wwas goin to kill ME   
ERIDAN: because her an sol both fuckin decided that killin me to stop me from tryin to do SOMETHIN to savve my skin wwas wworth fightin ovver   
ERIDAN: i am fuckin tired of hearin that fuckin SLANDER bein slung at me   
ERIDAN: hate me because i killed a friend an im nobodys friend fine   
ERIDAN: hate me because i blinded sol and showwed his pathetic lowwblood ass up in the biggest fuckin wway provvin my wwhite sciences wwere stronger than him   
ERIDAN: hate me because i bleww up that damn matriorb for no reason other than to piss kan off an givve her a reason to attack me like she wwanted   
ERIDAN: hate me because my plan wwas fuckin stupid to begin wwith an im just a stubborn blind idiot that deservved my death   
ERIDAN: but make it a good fuckin reason to hate me an not somethin like THAT   
ERIDAN: fuck you an FUCK wwhoevver wwrote that dowwn   
  
Jane was silent and Eridan steamed in place, fuming to himself. He knew other ghosts had the wrong impression over what happened but that the tale Jane spun was what was in the history books pissed him off something fierce. How many trolls lived and died thinking he was that pathetic? Was that really how history saw him? He took a breath and ran a hand through his hair to push it back and out of his face.   
  
JANE: History is written by those who survive to tell the tale.   
JANE: Nobody who cared enough about what happened told it.   
JANE: Nobody who had the means to help you or help her came around or thought to bring any of you back!   
JANE: I won’t tell you I care because I frankly don’t.   
JANE: But I can tell you, even if you aren’t the hero of your story you can still do something right.   
ERIDAN: an killin the mother grub is somethin right   
JANE: There is no necessity for the Mother Grub.   
JANE: It is the vestige of an imperialist system born of a planet where the young die pointlessly, cruelly, and plentifully.   
JANE: Trollkind will not stop existing because it is gone.   
JANE: If you destroy the Mother Grub I can right your wrong, I can bring Feferi Peixes back to life!   
JANE: The Matriorb is unnecessary to trollkind’s perpetuity and Kanaya Maryam is walking about unimpeded with a life of her own.   
JANE: Why, all of your transgressions would be minuscule at the end of the day, hoo hoo hoo!   
  
For a second he stopped breathing. There was a lot of sense this woman was talking to him. Kanaya didn’t stay dead, she even got revenge for killing her on him so in that way he figured they were square. The Matriorb not being as necessary as it seemed stung too. His eternal punishment now was exclusively for killing Feferi.   
  
Eridan looked down at the fine rug covering the floor and sucked in a gulp of air. Despite being royalty both he and her were left high and dry by the lowbloods and left to fade into the obscurity of death. He reluctantly would say he deserved it. But Feferi? Never.   
  
ERIDAN: if   
  
He spoke tightly, his acid chute twisting over and over in fiery knots.   
  
ERIDAN: if i do it youll bring her back   
JANE: Yes.   
  
The answer was shockingly immediate. Eridan gulped thickly. A tingly icy feeling prickled from the top of his horns to the tip of his footstubs. He slowly turned around to face the human again and looked back to her. Her fury had cooled with her hands clasped together in front of her. She stared expectantly at him and he found his words failing him. The enormity of what was being asked of him sat heavy on his shoulders.   
  
ERIDAN: i dont knoww if i can do it myself   
ERIDAN: evverythin is different noww   
ERIDAN: howw wwill i evven find wwhere it is or howw to get close to it   
JANE: Leave all the logistics to me!   
JANE: As long as you deliver on what I ask, Miss Peixes will enjoy the zest of life and a second chance.   
JANE: All you have to do-   
  
She offered a hand to him.   
  
JANE: -is say yes and we’ll have a deal.   
  
Eridan looked at the extended hand and felt an immense sense of cold. There was a part of him, a very small part, telling him this was a bad idea. Maybe it was? But if he couldn’t do anything ‘good’ for anyone, maybe this one thing could make up for it. Trollkind wasn’t suffering anything from losing the Mother Grub, like Jane said they managed for thousands of years beforehand. Maybe Fef would hate him forever for it but she’d be alive again.   
  
Maybe that was enough.   
  
He walked closer and shakily took the woman’s hand in a weak shake.   
  
JANE: Fantastic!   
JANE: Hoo hoo hoo!   
JANE: Now that we have an agreement, tell me: what’s your name?   
ERIDAN: its eridan ampora   
  
Jane smiled and shook her head.   
  
JANE: No it isn’t.   
ERIDAN: wwhat   



	4. Enter Name

Eridan Ampora looked over himself with a frown. Gone were his soiled clothes but he unfortunately was fitted with a new set of clothing he had to say were the most hideous duds he had ever been forced to wear. Fashion was not something that many on Alternia predisposed themselves to but he was a staunch exception with his careful choices in daily wear. Looking flashy was part of his right as a highblood, as was making homages to the great trolls he wished to emulate. This outfit Jane Crocker set him up with was a far cry from the great and regal trolls he wished to be, hell it was far beyond his own basic preferences.  
  
His longsleeve shirt was replaced with a sleeveless one, framed with a ratty dark blue vest that exposed his thin arms. The vest featured a trio of buttons that clicked against each other, each circular button holding a series of stripes and colors that meant absolutely nothing to him. His dark grey pants were frayed at the knees and ankles. A solid black spiked belt wrapped around his waist to hold them up and prodded at his skin if he was mindless enough to let his arms hang at his sides. His hands were gloved but fingerless and his prized rings were evicted from his fingers aside for a pair of silver rings given to him to wear on his ring and middle fingers respectively. His shoes were traded for a pair of heavy black boots and felt uncomfortable to stand in. A bright red headband kept his hair out of his face and notably hid the violet stripe that he possessed. His glasses were left alone for now and only because he had made a huge fuss over Jane attempting to take them off.  
  
In the mirror provided to him he could see he looked like a scruffy brute, reminiscent of Equius with lowblood-tier clothing. Disgusting. Even the sign on the shirt was all wrong. Instead of the double wavy lines he faced an unfamiliar violet sign of one wavy line sandwiched by two straight lines. He regarded the imposter sign with particular distaste.  
  
A hum of approval came from the doorway. He turned to see Jane Crocker in the threshold, her arms folded and her lips twisted into a satisfied smile.  
  
JANE: Your name is Adrien Pomara.   
JANE: You have a variety of interests which include revolution!  
JANE: As a troll of Earth C you’ve grown up in an environment where trollkind is oppressed by humanity and the future of your species relies on the success of the war waged upon the human kingdom and its government which is controlled by the dastardly Crockercorp, an evil corporation helmed by the vile Batterwitch!  
JANE: You might be too young to join the resistance but the fire in your heart can’t be quenched by something as trivial as age!  
ERIDAN: wwe dont call it that  
JANE: Hush, I’m not finished yet!  
JANE: Ahem!  
JANE: Using a combination of your wits and gumption, you managed to perform a number of small but successful espionage missions against Crockercorp which today culminates in your first big move!  
  
Her red heels clicked as she entered and circled him. Eridan eyed Jane in annoyance and tugged at the scruffy vest he was unfortunately saddled with.  
  
ERIDAN: do i really havve to wwear this hideous piece a fabric  
ERIDAN: its an utter disaster a fashion an a abomination on me  
JANE: Yes, you do.   
ERIDAN: this is a fuckin travvesty  
JANE: Now stop fussing with those buttons before they fall off!  
ERIDAN: wwith all these resources around here i thought youd be able to afford somethin more fittin than some lowwblood rags for me  
JANE: I can!  
JANE: Hoo hoo hoo!  
  
Eridan fixed her with a smoldering glare. The woman chuckled and stepped away from him, waving a hand dismissively as she moved away from him.  
  
JANE: Don’t take it so personally, I’m not doing this as a slight on you!  
JANE: You cannot be easily identifiable in your mission!  
JANE: If you were anything similar to who you’re known to be, why, people would be suspicious!  
ERIDAN: an this isnt suspicious  
JANE: Not at all!  
JANE: Plenty of children are eager to engage in rebellion against something, it’s only natural.  
JANE: You’re just one in a million caught in the whirlwind of their cultural zeitgeist, a punk looking to take a piece of the world and make waves against an unjust system!  
ERIDAN: an howw does makin wwavves against your company help here wwhen i havvent done anythin yet  
  
Jane smirked and produced a remote from her Sylladex with a wave of her hand. It dropped into her hand and with a fluid grace she pointed it to a dark screen mounted on a nearby wall. In a blaze of light the monitor illuminated to reveal a news station with an orderly human pair, both with grim expressions and a grimmer tone. The screen immediately switched to footage of a Crockercorp building with a hole blown out of the side, which was taped off and surrounded by a snappily dressed assortment of human law enforcement.  
  
ERIDAN: wwhats this  
JANE: It’s your first of many successes!  
JANE: This is a Crockercorp building designed to hold company memos and servers for interdepartment communications.  
JANE: The official story is a dastardly troll broke in, hacked into the servers in-person, and stole plenty of confidential Crockercorp information!  
JANE: The troll is, naturally, still at large, but already social media is abuzz wondering who this could be!  
JANE: The troll resistance hasn’t claimed responsibility yet, they’re probably wondering who in their ranks were bold enough to make such a move, hoo hoo!  
ERIDAN: you bleww up your owwn buildin for this  
JANE: If you want to be so technical about it, yes I did.  
JANE: But it doesn’t set me back!  
JANE: I destroyed some pesky servers that I know those trolls were eyeing already and built up a narrative in the same swoop!  
ERIDAN: a narrativve a me bein the troll wwho did this so the troll rebellion starts lookin for someone wwith the information they need  
  
Jane winked and nodded. The screen for a second shows a blob of something troll shaped in a very blurry security footage choppily running away from the building moments before its explosion. With the quality Eridan could see that this figure had something resembling horns but the quality was so poor it was impossible to draw any finer details from it.  
  
JANE: So soon after I announced my intent to grieve privately too!  
JANE: How unfortunate, isn’t it?  
ERIDAN: id call it a convvenient circumstance  
JANE: I’ll be making a new announcement soon about this flagrant display of troll terrorism but you’ll be busy hitting another location on your own.  
ERIDAN: noww wwhen you say me do you mean me wwho is standin right here gabbin wwith you or the fake me that did this flashy stunt a yours  
JANE: You this time.  
JANE: It’ll be a place manned with Crockercorp drones which I give you blessing to destroy.  
JANE: Make a big show on some higher fidelity cameras, hoo hoo hoo!  
JANE: It will be a location where we develop all sorts of alchemized improvements for everyday life, but you will be fitted with a weapon that has a real bite to it!  
  
Jane sat her remote down on a shelf under her large monitor. She smiled and turned around, producing another item from her Sylladex in the tell-tale ‘ka-CHUNK’ of an object being retrieved. In her hands she held a splendidly long rifle. Eridan eyed the weapon and spied the Crockercorp insignia on the side of its candy-red barrel.  
  
JANE: You will pull off a brilliant heist and steal this from the Crockercorp Alchemitizing Research Center.  
JANE: It is one of the legendary weapons used by the Rogue of Void which Crockercorp has been keeping on display in the facility.  
JANE: Of course the one there is a replica, you will be holding the real thing.  
ERIDAN: wwill anyone believve that your company just keeps somethin that vvaluable out wwhere someone can steal it  
JANE: Perceived incompetence is something I’m banking on.  
JANE: The trolls will sneer and consider me a buffoon blustering fury from my tower that they can diminish, it will embolden them!  
JANE: It will also give you more credit for taking such an initiative which is what we want.  
JANE: Once you infiltrate the troll rebellion you should be able to sniff out the location of that Mother Grub of theirs.  
JANE: Then the real fun can begin!  
  
Eridan accepted the rifle with a dubious frown. It was no Ahab’s Crosshairs but it was nonetheless comforting to have an approximation of it in his possession. Without a wand or the legendary weapon he could settle with another, even if it felt inferior compared to his preceding weaponry. Better than nothing, he thought, but there was no harm in a want for better.  
  
ERIDAN: i think you should givve me a neww wwand instead  
ERIDAN: ivve used riflekind far longer than i evver did the wwand  
ERIDAN: someone wwith even a partially functional thinkpan im thinkin is bound to notice some similarities despite the unnecessary wwardrobe change an neww name  
JANE: You may have a point…  
JANE: But you are far more recognizable to the general public wielding a wand, it would be even more obvious it was you even with a disguise.  
JANE: You’re hardly known as a figure in myth aside that one moment, if you discount Kanaya and Karkat who could sniff you out that quickly?  
JANE: No, we keep the rifle.  
JANE: It’s wonderfully symbolic and will strengthen your regard to the rebellion even further!  
JANE: But that accent of yours needs to go.  
ERIDAN: im not changin that  
JANE: Why not?  
JANE: Is it a speech impediment?  
JANE: Or-  
JANE: Oh.  
JANE: Oh no.  
JANE: This is one of those troll social things, isn’t it?  
JANE: Those ridiculous typing quirks of yours, do you really fashion the way you write to match your voice or is it the other way around?  
ERIDAN: i can wwrite wwithout a quirk you ignorant sea snail  
ERIDAN: but my manner a speakin is mine an im not changin that  
ERIDAN: you already took my clothes an my sign you arent gettin anythin else  
  
Jane clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes in disapproval.  
  
JANE: You were the one to bring up the possibility of being discovered but when it comes to how distinctly you talk that is where you draw the line.  
ERIDAN: hey havve YOU evver tried changin howw you talk  
JANE: No, because I don’t have a terrible speech impediment to need that!  
ERIDAN: it is not a speech impediment  
ERIDAN: it is an accent  
JANE: Oh yes, a wery nice understandable accent w-with no stutters w-whatsoewer.  
ERIDAN: are you makin fun a me  
JANE: Hoo hoo hoo!  
  
The troll flipped Jane the bird with an agitated huff but it only served to make her laugh harder. His face flushed violet and he held the red rifle tightly in his hands. With a snarl he slid backwards and lifted the rifle, which he pointed directly at the cackling woman’s face.  
  
ERIDAN: hoo hoo hoo at me one more condescendin time an i swwear on the high an most royal blood that runs through my vveins  
ERIDAN: im not beyond just callin this wwhole dramatic assassination plot a yours off an offin you in the process  
ERIDAN: givver of life or no i bet you cant wwithstand a shot to your simperin snickerin face to shut you up  
ERIDAN: im doin this filthy act for a reasonable price but that doesnt givve you the freedom to be makin FUN a me on top a it  
JANE: You’d REALLY give up bringing back your dear sweet precious Feferi just because I made fun of you?  
JANE: Really?  
  
Jane looked nothing but bemused, if not calm with the muzzle of the weapon pointed in her face. Eridan scowled, his finger wrapped firmly around the trigger. There was a long pause between the both of them, Eridan glaring daggers at her and the woman regarding him with the same frustratingly cool smirk. She knew if he shot her then their deal was off the table, and then where would he be? Alive, yes, but with nowhere to go and nothing to show for it. Given what Jane was, he doubted she would die even if he did shoot her. The humans who played their game, he vaguely recalled, were all Godtiered here on Earth C. He was fuzzy on the circumstances of what could make them die, but the fact was that typically they could just get back up in a flashy show of rainbow color.  
  
Eridan lowered the rifle with a frustrated huff. Jane’s expression didn’t change but she did walk past him with a small nod.  
  
JANE: If you refuse to change your ‘accent’ then we will simply have to bank on the thought that you will not directly meet Karkat or Kanaya.  
JANE: I doubt they personally inspect every single troll in their little rebellion, so that should be ample opportunity to slip through the cracks!  
JANE: You will be just one of many that aspire to be a hero of rebellion.  
JANE: Play that up convincingly when you are approached by a troll looking to recruit you, I want you to really reach down and breathe the role you have.  
JANE: Firstly!  
JANE: What’s your name?  
  
He leered at her back.  
  
ERIDAN: somethin stupid  
JANE: No no, say it.  
ERIDAN: hey batterwwitch wwhy dont you go take a long jaunty wwalk off a short cliff  
ERIDAN: id rather kiss a eel than tell you wwhat it is  
JANE: Oh I see what this is, very funny.  
ERIDAN: you think im funny  
ERIDAN: you standin there in your fancy candyred shoes lookin like a gussied up oinkbeast wwrapped in silk  
ERIDAN: an you think im funny  
  
Jane flushed red and made a choking noise in the back of her squeaktube. She whirled around with a furious glare and Eridan returned her scandalized glare with his middle digit poised for her to appreciate.  
  
ERIDAN: adrien pomara you condescendin swwine


End file.
